So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
