I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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