Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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