She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
