talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
