please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
