someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
