Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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