my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
