Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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