My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
worst night to have a conscience
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Randomize
