Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
