Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
