This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize