took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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