Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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