not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
