Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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