I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
