I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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