So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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