why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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