i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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