She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
