we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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