I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
