How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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