He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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