I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
