jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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