pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
