dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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