Sry I called you an 8
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
