At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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