I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
