if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
