She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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