Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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