Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
