remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
