Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
