I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
