Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
