Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
