Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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