Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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