And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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