I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
