her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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