Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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