Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize