I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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