yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
