So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
