so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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