You're so nebulous sometimes
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
