last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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