The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
