I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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