It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
