dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize