i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
