I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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