i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
