Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
