i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
