I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The air was thick with penises
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
