Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
