Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
