I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
