eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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