1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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